Unwarranted Animosity Against “Guy Gamers”
A few of our readers may have seen me post this over on the Xbox forums, but I felt it deserved it’s own spot on G&G, so here it is.
I post (and lurk) on a variety of forums aimed at gamers who happen to also lack a tackle. I see a topic that appears quite often and I know a lot of you will have come across these posts also. They seem to be related to how men only EVER seem to chat to girls gamers online because they’re after one thing – Nudes, n00ds, sexyfuntimechats or nudz.
I’ve seen a few posts elsewhere recently where a couple of male gamers were looking for women to game with. Now one of these posts seemed like the typical ~pervy~ guy looking to chat women up, but the other ones seemed like genuine requests. All three of these posts were flamed and/or locked. I understand why a lot of people get annoyed at men looking for women to game with. However, when I first started seriously gaming I would post threads saying “Looking for guy gamers to play with!” – NOT because I was some sad, lonely girl looking for attention, but because I truly hated the initial selection of female gamers there were out there. Nothing but cat-fights, back-stabbing and attention seekers. So I would specifically seek out male gamers. I also get along better with men, have more things to talk about with them so it seemed only normal for me to post about finding men to game with online! …But when a man wants to chat to a woman online, perhaps because he finds talking to women more fun than talking to a guy, while doing something they enjoy together (i.e; gaming), all hell breaks loose and that guy is officially branded a pathetic pervert. I have some male friends who come to me when they want to talk about their personal life, because they feel as though their male friends would laugh at them. I have some guys talk to me because I don’t just chat about cars and the latest FHM magazine.. And it goes in reverse as well, I seek out my male friends when I want to geek out about the latest Battlestar Galactica episode, or I hunt someone down because I’m sick of hearing about babies, shoes and handbags (alright, so I’m guilty of generalising on both genders here, but you all know what I’m getting at).
Now I realise that yes, there are a bunch of horny little boys out there jerking off to the thought of a hawt chick sitting behind their keyboard/controller. I too have been sent pictures of an erect dick via XBL, but unlike a lot of women, I laugh it off. I know that there are ladies out there who aren’t able to just shrug off things like that, but it is a very big shame that those women feel the need to attack any man out there who is actively looking to game with a woman. These are the same women who will spend their days whining at guys who think all girl gamers should be in the kitchen, while they sit there and do exactly the same. Branding a male gamer a pervert is the same as female gamers being branded attention whores who are ready to get to their tits out at any given moment.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not sitting here and telling women to forget about the behaviour they may have received from a small percentage of all male gamers, what I am asking is if it’s right to tar every male gamer with the same brush?
pictures of erect dicks on XBL? attention whores ready to get their tits out? what rock do I live under?
Interesting you mention it, I am catching up on Battlestar Galactica as we speak, phenominal series.
Man, it’s always hard to hear stuff like this. My FL has mostly guys on it, but they are always dudes I can chill with. If anything, they are sitting there making more gay jokes than anything…. and heck, I’m in there with them doing the same.
I’ve had my fair share of nasty people, but I tend not to acknowledge it even when I get a few pm’s saying “want dic pic,” and I just laugh and show my roommates.
Believe me, there’s plenty of dudes out there who honestly just want a good game, whether there’s females involved or not. We’re just an added bonus.
Good post
I actually have a very small friends list – as I tend to be very selective about who I game with; after all I game in my spare time to enjoy myself. I found that there is a very high degree of flaming, trash talking and in general people who take games/gaming far too serious.
Don’t get me wrong – gaming is my passion and I can be found on the ‘360 every single day, but when I play online I am purely looking to enjoy myself. This is why I spent less and less time playing games such as Halo 3 – except during the rare moments somebody on my friends list wants to play.
Either way back to the topic at hand: I have no preference whether or not a gamer is male or female but to be fair I have found very little female gamers who were actually fun to play with. So far the only ones on my list are my missus and somebody who I met through another person on my friends list. (She is his missus in fact)
I guess it comes with the selectiveness – the ratio of female gamers is a little smaller on Xbox Live, so the amount of people that make it onto your friends list is as well.
From my own pov my behaviour towards female gamers is identical as the interaction I would have with a male gamer. That said, I’ve played a lot of online games and MMO’s before the Xbox and we found that female gamers received a fair degree more attention than was really healthy at times – especially from the younger audience. The guilds I ran with my missus and a few friends always had a high ratio of female members compared to the average, and this attracted a lot of younger people.
In the end we adopted 18+ rules and from experience this weeds out most of the problem. Not saying that the male vs female issue comes solely from younger gamers, but they definitely play a large part.
Sadly, there will always be perverts – be it in gaming or any other aspect of life. On the positive side, I do strongly believe that the gaming world is maturing quickly and that the term gamer girl might not even mean anything to the next generations, as female gamers will become as common as male ones.
The men that flash over the Internet are just fucking dumb. It’s not a particularly effective dating technique.
Saying that, the guys that *purposefully* look for women gamers to chat to are probably looking for a date, but trying to take the long way round and become friends first. (Which doesn’t make sense, either.)
I dont care who I play with as long as they play the game. I agree that sometimes guys are looked down on just for wanting to play a game with women. Dont you think maybe they are just looking for a serious game and they just want to have a decent convo? Nobody says anything for women looking for other women to play with (maybe they are looking for a date) lol
Out of interest – if you and a few like minded individual took all the shady pictures you’d been sent and published them on a website along with the relevant gamer tag, that would be illegal, right?
Because if not, imagine their surprise when they google their tag and get confronted with that.
Im not sure if its illegal, but happens all the time, just not the gamertag posting thing… there are countless sites of “amateur porn” (… ammm…. a friend told me) with videos or photos destinated for the boyfriend/girlfriend NOT the general public so… i don’t know how much more illegal would a wall of shame be.
I really do love this post! I just recently started seeking out female gamer topics online just to see what was out there and kept reading topics focused on how terrible the guys are. Females are bad in their own way and I enjoy playing with both. In my opinion it is difficult to find a female gamer who is fun to play with, but I also haven’t looked that hard. I have a good friend who I actually hang out with in person and we go online to play L4D and Halo 3. We laugh and goof around and it’s great. I guess I just consider myself to be laid back and I don’t get offended by much. Even my boyfriend has said you are going to run into jerks online and that’s just how it goes. I agree that age seems to trend with the theme. When playing COD4 or Halo 3 you run into everyone and their brother on there and when playing GRAW2 the players are older and they act more mature for the most part.
LOL this post trips me out because I know a guy just like this, he is actually notorious on UNO for asking for pictures*LOL*.
NOTE TO THE ADMINS… “if you kindly” could update my email in my 2 previous post (so gravatar works)ill be in ur eternal debt… I really liked ur blog, and I think im here to stay… if you let me, of course
EOF
Mmm im partial to both sides here… all guys are pervs… I can warranty you that if you as a girl go to you male friend and say “hey, do you want to see my boobs?” the universal answer will be an immediate and surrounding “YES!” unless he is gay… or really cleaver and knows that you are testing him… ITs just human nature I dare you not to feel warm inside every time yo see a puppy I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!.
As a Boy I do acknowledge my “pervert-iness”, but there is a time and place for everything and a Halo match its not.
)
So its fair to assume that a man would seek a woman for gaming purposes only, Hell i have a couple of online friends and you could ask em they haven’t received a dicpic (yet!
And on the other hand I do understand the constant battering that girls are exposed, its very easy hide behind a keyboard and send an email , practically every laptop comes with a webcam, so its even easier.
I had a girlfriend once in an “all girl School” and man… it was like prison must be… at first the winking, blown kisses and whistles were like “yeah!! im the men’s man, you can see but you cant touch”… then fun… but then i started to get anoyed.
then I remember I thought to myself “this must be what pretty women feels like every day” :S
So… Men, think before you do, and Women… don’t take it personal its just human nature…